Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
