You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
