So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize