Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
