It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
