New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
