I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
