So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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