bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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