someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
