she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
