I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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