so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
