I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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