I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
