i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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