Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
