Don't you send me to vm
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
