Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
