they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
