I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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