He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
