Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
