U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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