so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Randomize
