you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
