the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
