Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
