I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
