Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
