I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
