cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
