I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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