nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
