i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
