Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
