I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I've blown a few things in my day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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