so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's blow job season.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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