Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
this hospital has no fireball
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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