I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
