Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
