Fuck appropriateness.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
