He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
