dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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