I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
