It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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