Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize