just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize