so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
