You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
babies were throwing up all over the place
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
