Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
