She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
