I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
