Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
