Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
