just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
