I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
