Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize