And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize