I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Vodka?
Forever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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