I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
