every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
