Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
