you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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