Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
