you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
