Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
