i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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