How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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