I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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