if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
