I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
